March 20, 2011

Is this real life?

I am 38 weeks pregnant today, and as I type this my darling daughter finds it funny to cram her knee in my ribs.  To be honest, it was kind of difficult for me in the beginning to grasp the concept that I was indeed "with child".  Even after I saw our sweet The Bun on the ultrasound screen at 11 weeks, I was still sort of in denial about the whole thing.  Not because I didn't want this baby or anything like that, it was just a really huge pill to swallow.  As the weeks passed, I would turn to the hubbs randomly and spout out, "Hey honey, guess what?  I'm pregnant."  He would just grin and say "Yeah, you are."  Now, as my belly has grown and the finish line is in sight you would think that I would have completely swallowed the pregnancy pill and accepted that I indeed am pregnant and a baby is in my very near future.  Well, just this week I turned to my husband saying the exact same, "Hey, I'm pregnant" line only this time realizing that I am just now comfortable with the idea that I am carrying around a watermelon in my stomach.  I find it funny that it has taken me this long to really accept this obvious fact only for me to have to face the new fact that I will soon have to DELIVER this baby.  At my doctors appointment on Friday, I was expressing my fear of having to actually push this baby out.  I told her (my doctor), "I don't think I can do this.  Can I do this?"  And she of course just chuckles and says "Yes Sarah, you can do this.  Not only can you do this but, you have to do this."  I am of course sitting there repeating everything my doctor says to me so I can try and build myself up.  I also proceed to ask my doctor what exactly do I need to bring for my stay in the hospital and what Maggie will need as well because we didn't go on a tour of L&D.  (We figured we knew that place pretty well already, the tour would just be kind of pointless, and my doctor agreed.)  She asks if I had packed my hospital bag yet.  I embarrassingly admitted that I hadn't.  She says I need to hop on that.  (My dear friend Tammy also got on my case yesterday for not having my bag packed yet.)  I think I am just in denial about the whole thing.  I figure if I don't pack my bag, Maggie will stay an "inside baby".  And to be honest, I enjoy her being that way.  I can protect her from everything she needs to be protected from.  But, I know she will make her grand entrance soon.  The last thing my doctor says to me before she walks out of the room is, "If you don't have your baby by then, I want to see you in one week."  I froze.  "Huh?  If I haven't had my baby by then?  In the next week?  You mean, she could come that soon?  Oh dear."  I of course know this, but to actually hear it and say it out loud is something completely different.  I have just swallowed the pregnancy pill, but instead of chasing it with a nice glass of orange juice, I have to shove down the "labor and delivery/here, have a baby" pill along with some Tums.  
Well, cheers to you, and bottoms up!


Uniquely McNeely said...

If you do not listen to me ever again.... listen to me now! =) I promise you promise you promise you. L & D is not as bad as people say it is.... Honestly, I was thinking waaay worse and it really wasn't/ Plus, if you are scared... get an epidural if you can! It makes all the pain go away!!! Just chill. You will not remember the pain. I can't wait to see pictures of Miss Maggie!!!

Elizabeth {e tells tales} said...

Love this honest post.

I'd say I'm avoiding thinking about delivery too...I have ten weeks to think about it though, not two :) And when it comes time to pack that bag, I'll probably avoid it too in hopes that it'll mean I can't have the baby if I don't have a bag.


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