November 10, 2009

Tell Me How You Really Feel

Back in August, I wrote a post about a gentleman who continuously parked in front of my house. The hubbs and I decided that we would park my car in front of our house, and we would park the hubbs' car in the driveway. We had victoriously claimed that as our spot.

Yesterday, while I was checking my German mailbox, I found a blank envelope. I walked into the house and told the hubbs what I found. At first we kind of joked about it, thinking someone put poison in the envelope and was trying to harm us. I of course felt the envelope just to make sure there was just a piece of paper in it. I opened it up and discovered a little "love" note from my neighbor!
My neighbors informed us that they do not like that I park my car where I do. The hubbs saw me standing with my jaw dropped, staring at this letter. So, he walked over to me and read the letter himself. His mouth then dropped as well. I re-read the letter to make sure I wasn't hallucinating what was written. Unfortunately, I wasn't.
We stood there trying to figure out who dropped this little love note into our mailbox. We took another look at the letter, and narrowed down the odds of who our admirer may be.
We know our admirer is German. In the note we were greeted with a "Hallo" instead of "Hello".
We know our admirer probably had a hard time writing the love note. Half of the letter is one long run on sentence.
They urged us to utilize our garage and be thankful that we have a garage when some people don't. They told us that the parking spot is public parking for everyone. They told us that pedestrians are in danger when my car is parked in the spot because they then have to walk on the street.

Well, here is my response.

To Whom It May Concern {My next door neighbors},
We are so sorry to find out that you don't really care for our parking style. Please allow us to explain. We appreciate the advice on utilizing our garage. Unfortunately, you cannot take credit for the idea. We are two steps ahead of you. The thought of parking my car in my garage has crossed my mind before. But with deep despair, we regret to inform you that our garage is much too small to occupy our Jeep. If you haven't noticed, my car quite a bit wider and taller than your Mercedes, there fore it won’t fit. We would also like to you warn you in advance that when it does begin to snow here, we will not be cleaning off the sidewalk/parking spot like you think we are responsible to do. Because you are a native to this country, you know the rules, correct? Well, since you say that is a public area, it is no longer our responsibility to keep clean. On a different note, we have a question for you. How is it that my car is considered dangerous to pedestrians, when you wrote the love note so you are able to park in front of my house? Is your car not considered a danger as well? If you are parked in front of my house, pedestrians will still have to walk in the street, which is like you said, dangerous. Please don't bring innocent bystanders into our little love fest as well. If they felt they their lives were in danger, there would be a much bigger problem. There are about 15 other neighbors that park on the sidewalk, including you and your multiple vehicles. Please come up with a better excuse for us. We actually got a good laugh in at your expense on that remark. We would also like to warn you that when you park in front of our house, you are putting your precious little Mercedes in harms way. As I have explained, my car is rather large, and as you know, the street we live on is quite narrow. If you park in front of our house, we are unable to swing our Jeep wide enough to make it into our driveway. Therefore we will not be held responsible for any damage your car may encounter as we try and enter our driveway. If we find that it becomes a continuous problem, we will come to your door and explain the problem to your face. We, the Fox Family, are not cowards like your self. We like to face our problems head on, in person. Not in an anonymous letter. We wish you would have had the courage to come, knock on our door and tell us how you were feeling about the parking situation. We are nice people, and we do not bite. {However, we cannot speak for our dogs. I would fear them if I were you.} We hope that we will be able to put this behind us and move on. So for now, please enjoy our parking spot, but we ask you to look over the huge chunk of shrubbery missing from your hedge. I am not the best driver.

The Neighbors

Oh, if you haven’t noticed, we know who you are.


April Merritts said...

That was amazing! Freaking brilliant! :) I'd be pissed, too. That was completely stupid. Is it illegal there to put mail in someone elses mailbox unless you are the postman like here in the U.S.A.? Because that's something else you could get them on. :)

Amy said...

Oh my gosh you are awesome. I want to seriously give you a high-five for this. HA! Too funny. I'm glad you posted this. Neighbor wars can get crazy. But you handled that situation VERY well.


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