October 17, 2009

Not Myself

As the sun starts to set over my Saturday, I have nothing to show for my day.  I have no proof that I can go to bed tonight with a light heart and a clear mind.  I have done nothing today. 
I glance over into my kitchen where I see the dishwasher door open, hanging low to the heated tiled floor, where I stopped unloading my white plates and clear glass cups before I could get to my set of Pyrex bowls.  I look to the right of me where I find a pile of clean clothes smelling of vanilla and lavender, half of them folded the other half in the same spot where I placed them yesterday when they were still warm from the dryer.  My white floors, which were clean yesterday, now have a layer of black dog hair & yesterday's mud coating them. 
That's right.  I have done nothing today.  It's not because I decided to take a day "off."  It's because I am throwing myself a pity party today.  I am sulking.  I feel as though I am just a blob as I make my way through the house, still in my pajamas, wasting time. Perhaps I am trying to make this day pass by so tomorrow will bring me a new sun and I can get back to myself.  Today, I am living vicariously through other people.  Living a life I don't have.  Wearing the cutest clothes, living in a house that is decorated, that has a theme, posting on a blog that has hundreds of followers, being so crafty I can make a picture frame a plate....
But here I sit on my worn in couch, wearing pajama pants and an Air Force t-shirt way past its prime, in my reality.  Tomorrow morning when I am awakened by the sunlight pouring in through my window & the sound of my dogs' whimpering telling me it's time to wake up, I will be me again.  Back to what I know, what I have, and what I love.  But for now, I am just going to be a sulking blob.

{Please do not start telling me to count my blessings.  I have done that multiple times today.  Everyone has days where they are "off."  Today is my day.}


Brittney said...

Sarah everyone has these its not a bad thing and even if you were one of those "perfect people" you wouldn't be any happier than you are right now! So get off your butt and get over it!!! I Love YOU! Is that what you wanted to

Debra Lee said...

That's your bestest friend telling you like it is! That's what best friends are for! You go girls!


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